Trying to Find Closure

With three months of residency left to go, I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  Three eventful years full of emotions, full of expectations, full of trials and tribulations.  Alas, how will I ever find closure?  My winter months were spent hibernating with chiefing duties in the hospital, so little was left in the way of sitting down and reflecting.  Recovering from those high cortisol months has been a slow downhill crawl, like the three weeks it took to break the delirious uneasiness before falling asleep.  Since those inpatient months, I’ve been trying to figure out what I’m going to do with myself after residency every free moment of the day. Today, I heard from the CDC position in global health that I would not be getting an interview. So there, that door finally closed after months of waiting. I have a few interviews at community health clinics.  Then there is this crazy idea of buying a house.  What about our pura vida fantasy of a Costa Rican getaway?  Well, the sky is the limit with how I want to spend the next 10 years of my life, but one thing is for sure: I don’t want to sell myself short.  I want to suck the marrow out of life. I want every moment to become a memory and then a story to tell me grandchildren. Grandma lived her life to the fullest. Grandma lived with her heart first and foremost. Grandma understood joy very, very well.

Other news was that Match Day had come and gone, and the past weekend was resident retreat as well as my baby’s first birthday. A new cycle of residents are swinging on by as the third year swings on out.  The current residents celebrated our retreat in beautiful Glen Ellen, where we staying in cabins and ate yummy camp food, danced, sung and hiked in the pouring rain. The rain never let up-all day and all night – but it kept us under the same roof and the fireplace kept us all cozied up together.  For that, I rather liked the rain. “Down comes the rain, down comes the sun, down comes the love …” we sang into the night.

Author: Sharon Lin, DO

Dr. Lin is a member of CAFP's Medical Practice Affairs Committee and is a legislative Key Contact.

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